I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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