just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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