i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
