i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
