I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
