She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
