2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
