Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
