i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
false alarm. still invincible.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
