is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize