when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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