happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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