it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He felt like a one man threesome
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
