Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
