When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My vagina just recognized that song.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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