my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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