I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
