omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
