he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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