Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
