Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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