$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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