dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just googled if crying burns calories
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
