Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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