I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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