Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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