In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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