she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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