upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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