Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
