I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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