god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize