Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
