I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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