he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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