My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
