I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize