Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
