Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize