Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
