He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
