Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
