I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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