The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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