i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
