Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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