Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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