A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
