so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
