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Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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