So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was like giving head to a cactus.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
