That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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