somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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