YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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