i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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