the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize