Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
