Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
