yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize