So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
