what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
