She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
