Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
