Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
