I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
