I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
