I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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