That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
