there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
