And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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