He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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