apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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