when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
