i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize