fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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