she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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