i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
