I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
