Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I skipped work to stalk him.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
