someone get that fucking seahorse.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
