I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
