yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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