Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
