May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
