i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
