I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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