Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
