So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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