when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
