How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
