i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
